Watching it dissolve into nothingness

If we could throw this voice into the past, I wonder if my heart would still ache like this. Like this. - What is emptiness if not a sign that you are lacking something, missing something. But is fullness and richness always good? I am full now, of an aching emptiness. But this hollow vessel...

If kaya is a jam,

the fruit it comes from is labour. Hainanese kaya! - Amazingly or otherwise, I've finished the minimum required (ie. unforgivingly numerous) readings for this week. I also have una esame di italiano domani, ma io so (think?) è going essere cosi-cosi. I have a portrait but no attic - it is the image reflected in...

Fridays make the weekend feel like it’s over,

because now it's the beginning of more work. - I'm going back to bed now. N is right, that person truly is more talk than work. How difficult could putting the stuff into the table be? It took me ten minutes, and if it had taken more I would have baulked. I definitely want to...

It is the spending of that time

(from 19 August, 9.02 am, left among drafts and forgotten until it wasn't.) which gets me the most. The time that is not mine to give in the first place. Of course, it's difficult not to apportion blame when we feel it is rightly deserved. So this slow, cold morning that is on its own...

They blow through the case readings

like the wild wind does, echoing through the hollowness of a forest. - Someone mentioned to me that it feels like the readings never end, we only had the rejoinder that in the lecture, our three hours worth of case readings are equivalent to three minutes of air time. The three minutes are double-counted as...

The feeling after eating raw shallots,

when we do like them with satay but it makes our tongue numb. Not a great feeling, but it does taste good, sweet, even. So perhaps that is what the next five years will feel like. To pick it because we want it and enjoy it. I hope to enjoy university! Writing this knowing that...

Then let us write for you,

once, clearly. That you will not have to filter through the piles of 'you's and 'they's in hopes of catching a glimpse of the you of the past. - Since this is also what the future is facing, the present and gift left to be passed. I write five steps ahead of the vain brain,...

Racing against the tide to be the wave

breaking up into pieces and the seafoam rushes over your head since bubbles filled with air are, well, less dense. - No pictures of the tomatoes today, I'll think another week about how to best organise the three pictures. I already transplanted some of the seedlings into their final pots - one trough and one...

Counting and losing count

of days spent in repetition but still, good days. - Here's a picture of the tomato plants from yesterday, Day 24. As one can see, they're a bit leggy and some are a little bit yellow. Nothing water and time won't fix, I hope. Daily I have to rotate the egg carton because they grow...

Just hold on, we’re going to

stay home. I promise that disasters are cyclical and that this too shall pass. Bad things, like good things, will not last for eternity. So even if that wanting is the source of all suffering, we will keep wanting. Because being hungry is the only way to make good food, to persist in making good...