I will not forget this emotion,

of knowing that I am not alone, and that I am so incredibly angry.

I will not forget this emotion, and I will not bury it in my heart.

Instead I will keep it in my jar of hearts, pickling and gathering for a day that I might season a steak with it.

Searing stakes with words and I,

salt like a cascade and also bitterness,

not vitriol but bitterness.

To the hot tears dripping from our cheeks and trickling cold down our chest that houses my sheer, beating heart.

That I am so angry and aggrieved that I am crying.

That astounds me who types through my tears.

Maybe this was the outlet I was looking or waiting for.

Gritting my teeth as the pain of the blame that I endeavoured to take on touches me.

It covers me like a fever, gripping my head and squeezing it the way my blocked ears do.

A fever, that must be what is rippling over me, giving me chills and chills, not pills.

Was it so much to ask you to read?

Read carefully and listen to my voice that chants “do not blame them – do not go around looking for someone to blame, and if you must, no matter how unwilling and aggrieved I am, blame me if it helps you live better.”

Then who do I blame?

So you feel that much better blaming someone and I cannot begrduge you that. But who do I blame?

These are the people I want to protect.

I will not begrudge you if you blame me, because blame is nothing new that human desire and instinct. To call it responsibility and all others.

But what I was really hoping for was some understanding. Why else do we explain?

You have seen and read and understood nothing but what you thought.

Let me assure you, you thought wrong.

Do not call them out when they hold no fault. Unless you believe in strict liability – to that I have nothing to say.

Either be involved or do not.

Do not mess us up at the last moment with those words that show you do not understand the situation in any context.

It is our fault that we ever leaned on you, you have grown your arms around us.

Not an embrace but a cage of bones.

Accountability and blame, no matter what you say, are two sides to the same coin.

Blame is necessary in many situations, in those situations, I am not afraid of it and even though I am scared I own up to it.

But that kind of a reaction means that no one wants to or will take the blame in the future.

Do not tempt me with thoughts of saying ‘yes’ when the answer is ‘?’

I can be tempted – in fact, I am no where any where near however strong they think we are.

(these tears.

I assure you now, they are not of sorrow)


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